An Update on BFZ

BFZ and I are going on a date on Saturday.  Like, a legitimate date.  I'm very excited.  I feel a little awkward (honestly) because he isn't quite the person that I dream about dating, but I always have so much fun with him and I really do like him.

The real reason that I'm telling you about this is because I have a paper due at the end of semester, and I've decided to write it on Saturday.  The biggest problem is that I haven't done any work on it and I am avoiding everything to do with it.  *awkward*

Right now I should be writing an outline, because I promised myself that I would, but it's so haaaaard.  I don't want to do it.  Not now, not ever.  It's not even going to be that difficult to put this paper together, I already have a bajesus load of sources, I just need to narrow down what I actually want to talk about.  I'd like to go in depth into how synesthesia (that's the topic of my paper) can help and hinder day-to-day life, focusing on it's abilities to enhance memory while also distracting the student.  I'm excited for the end product, but I'm worried about the process.

My actual best friend is coming on Thursday.  We are going to go dancing (finally I won't be by myself) and then she's coming to all my classes on Friday and then probably staying until Saturday morning.  So I will use one meal on her Thursday night, and one for lunch on Friday.  That should be fine.  I'm sure we will go out Friday night because that sounds like fun!

So I Did the Running....

Yesterday after I signed off of this blog, I went for a run.  It was awful, but NU makes me do it, so I keep up with it in case she tests me to make sure I have actually been upping my increments.  Ugh.

In regards to bfZ and SSBB, I saw SSBB today and I do, in fact, continue to have an unreasonable attraction to him.  *ignoring* I am ignoring everything now.  I'm going to go eat a brownie, do my nails, watch TV, and brush my teeth then go to flute choir and band and class and somehow find myself some dinner.

Aight.

The Things You Need to Know

If you follow my posts religiously (as everyone should), then you might be wondering what kinds of things have happened since Homecoming Weekend.  Well, everything has.

I visited FT and only got to spend like 30 minutes with him because he had to head home because his brother was visiting from the navy.  So that was a little lame, but I don't blame him.

Fall break was my ultimatum for SSBB.  I didn't ever tell him, but I've given up entirely on that seduction plan.  It's irritating to think that I let my attraction get in the way of anything.  I'm tired of it.  If he's not going to show up on time or bother to text me back, I'm not going to waste my time on him.

The main problem now is that there are still two men in my life.  MfB and bfZ.  I'm ignoring the entire situation, as MfB has a girlfriend and I don't want to really date bfZ I just want to spend time with him all the time.  He's my favorite.

I'm going to go physically run away from my feelings now.  Aight.

Homecoming Weekend

Homecoming weekend turned out to be a struggle for more people than just me.  But I had some pretty epic struggles myself and it has led me to make some poor decisions about Fall Break.  Let me give you some background:

Last year, in about April, I got with this guy we'll call FT.  He was a senior and we just hung out and it was really fun.  I didn't see him all summer and was practically forgetting how much I liked him, until he showed up at Oktoberfest as an alum.  He wanted to meet up, so I talked to him for a bit and it was fabulous.  Now when I go up to Iowa to see FP, I'm going to see FT as well.  Awks...

Right now I'm in the library.  I was working on chem homework and waiting for SSBB to show up to work on it with me, but he didn't come.  I'm not incredibly surprised.  I need some help with like 8 problems, so I hope he can help me out later today... but he's probably asleep.

I need to work on my IS project, I don't want to let SM down.  But I've only gotten one thing back from anyone, so I'm not feeling super conflicted on if I should do it now or not.  I am going to go and find an article now though.

That's all.  Aight.

I'm pretty sure my life is a sitcom

Today I worked the Ren Faire for homecoming with the rest of the neuro club, this of course including MB.  MB is one of my absolute favoritest people to hang out with--he's just so much fun!  The problem being that I found out on Wednesday that he got in trouble a couple weeks ago because his girlfriend heard that some girl was flirting with him and walking down the hallway together.  I feel really bad that he got in trouble because of me.  I was just helping him carry boxes for his brewing research....  His girlfriend was manning the women's soccer table across the way from our booth, so I felt super awkward and was trying to not have too much fun.  Blech.

Last night, SSBB texted me that he had done all of the chem homework.  He didn't wait for me.  Or inform me.  So I was waiting for him and he was doing it all afternoon.  It made me kind of upset.  I'm not very happy about it.

I think I'm going to put myself on another man hiatus.  I've had enough of this.

I don't know as my man hiatus served me as well as I expected

I don't think my man hiatus served me as well as I expected.  It certainly worked last year in friend-zoning every single possible guy, and that was its purpose.  My problem now is that every single man looks so much better than he might have last year when I didn't feel so pressed.

Case in point:  SM.  S, SM.  He is so much fun!  I love going to that stupid class just so I can sit by AE and giggle the entire class period at absolutely everything he says.  The problem with him is that he has a girlfriend.  Who lives in Norway.  That sounds like a cop-out to me, though it's probably real.

I have work to do, but I'm waiting for NU to come back from her meeting so that I can talk to her about everything on the planet.  Also, I'm totally not going to do any more work tonight, not like I really got any done today anyways.  I'm not a productive person.  I should probably just quit college while I'm ahead.

That's all.  Aight.

Well here I am again...

I've found that writing in this blog is actually very relaxing, so I think I will continue to do it.

In regards to SSBB and WH I still don't have an answer, but I had a wonderful time chatting with GG tonight.  He read over my IS paper and then he met me at SP's floor event (they're dating btw).

(I'm trying to use more code names because the internet, but it makes it look more stressful I think)

I think the reason I like talking to GG so much is because he isn't afraid to say what he wants to.  I could say literally anything to him and I wouldn't worry about offending him.  Sometimes it does worry me though that I like talking to him so much, I'm afraid SP is going to be mad.  I know she won't actually be, but still...right?

RM and her boyfriend broke up today.  I feel bad because I bought her cookies and I wrote her a note and then I left for seriously the entire night.  That probably wasn't very nice of me, but I did have to write that reflection paper.  And then I couldn't resist talking to GG.  I'm not a very good roommate I don't think....

The whole room still smells slightly like vomit from Saturday.  Blech.  I texted SSBB that the worst thing about being sober when your friends were drunk was cleaning up their vomit.  He told me I should have left it.  I was worried for a while that he thought I lied to him about being sober because I did go to Joe's with my friends still and like his entire team was there.  But I decided that if he wanted to know I would have told him that I only go because I want to take care of NU.  I love her so much.  I worry about her a lot too.  This blog certainly makes it sound like I worry a lot.  I promise I don't.

I want to go to bed, but RM is watching a movie and I don't want to disrupt her since she really gets to do whatever she wants until fall break probably.

Oh and also, I informed GG outright that I was off my man-hiatus from last year and that if somebody wants me they should just tell me, so he should pass that off onto SSBB and WH and we will see what happens from there.  I hope good things.  I don't even know what that would be.

I told TG that if WH asked me nicely I would cuddle with him.  I don't think she understands that I really do not hate him and GG as much as everyone else does.  I don't know quite why they all dislike them so much.  That's one of the things that I talked to GG about tonight.  He was like "what did we do to them?" and I was like "I'm not 100% sure...".  That makes me feel bad too.  It's like I'm taking part in hatred even though I don't want to, and that doesn't seem very equal rights.

I promise my next blog will be more upbeat!  Aight.